Where to begin...reflecting, as in my last post, is what I have been doing. Reflecting on my purpose, our purpose. Reflecting on the big WHY. Delving into concepts and pondering subjects that the human brain (mine at least) is not equipped to entirely grasp.We pass from infancy to adolescence in the time, so it seems, it takes for a good night's rest. Our adult years are much shorter by comparison, racing by in jumps and starts. Highlights and milestones standout in the blurr of time. And how do we spend it? We spend it on trivialities. We worry over insignificance. We collect debt and worthless possessions.
So what are we supposed to do? What is our purpose? What can we do but live the day to day? In the grand scheme of eternal life, what is the purpose of our human existence? Is this a test to see if we are worthy? Is it a contest to see who can resist in a world of temptation? And where is that line? What is the benchmark we are all trying to achieve? Can we win? Can we lose??
By the time I reach all the questions of 'what if' and the 'why', my head is spinning. I have to accept that there are some things that we are just not meant to know. That is a frustrating reality for a personality that is results oriented. I am a "what needs to be done?" person. I am a "list" person. And, as I am reminded each time I reach this point, this is where my faith comes in.
I must have faith that there is a bigger picture, a grand plan that I have a part in. I must have faith that as I muddle through my life, trying to make the "right" decisions, that I am fulfilling the purpose I have been put on Earth for. I admit, it does sound a bit egocentric to think that I am personally a significant part of Our Creator's plan and, yet, I believe it to be true.
And so, I am back to the trivialities of my life. Yes, in the moment many things are important and pressing, but I am conscious that some things that are taken SO seriously are really not. I remember that decisions and situations that seem incredibly significant at the moment, may one day be virtually, if not entirely, inconsequential. I realize that possessions are not worth the debt.
Most of all I realize that, yet again, I don't have the answers, all I can do is what I think is best, the best I know how. I have to lean on God. I have to give up my white knuckled grip on control, a control I never really had.
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